he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
