I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
