Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
