I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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