I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
