Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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