rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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