I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
