So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize