Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
