All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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