You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We talked him into tasing himself.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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