My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
