Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
