i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
