I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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