cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
