I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
