Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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