some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He did a backflip because drugs
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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