she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
