That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
