at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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