They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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