She said her name was "party"
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I need moral support for this bender
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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