i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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