Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
