This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
