i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
