i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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