You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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