"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
