Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
