I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We left the knife in your bed.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
3 2 1 whiskey
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
