So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
