I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So much rum. So many feels.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
