so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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