Just cropdusted the office
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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