I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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