Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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