Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
