Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
