New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
false alarm, still single
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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