U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
