I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
