i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
