erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize