bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
