My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
