How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm like, not good at living.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
