A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
