there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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