You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
