He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
