Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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