Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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