oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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