and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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