i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
