tequila makes me forget i have legs
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
