i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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