You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He better not be in your backpack
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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