Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
