I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
