Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
