Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
