I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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