is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
