everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
