I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
