Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
