the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
