Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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