I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
